Life has been such a roller-coaster this past week-- incredibly happy times (like unofficially adopting a cat into our apartment and making waffles on a round-about...) mixed with times of complete confusion and worry. I have some big decisions to make and I have been having a hard time with them. I've had a weird feeling and haven't been able to pin it down in terms of what it means for my decisions.
I just realized that all of my worries and weirdness boil down to one thing: growing up. I somehow know that I am at a crucial point of transitioning into adulthood, and I have been resisting it big time. I've always thought of becoming an adult as something so distant--something almost too far to ever reach. And now WHAM it's here, and it's been waiting on me.
I resisted the transition to college two years ago because I did not want to leave my family and friends--my identity. I did not want to grow up because I thought it meant giving up things I hold dear, which is true to an extent; anything worthwhile takes at least a bit of sacrifice. But growing up doesn't necessarily mean giving things up, just changing my relationship with them.
Last night a few new, kindred-spirited friends and I watched "UP." I had seen it before, but this time the imagery really struck me. Mr. Fredricksen is so caught up in his past that he refuses to embrace new adventures and individuals, and even lugs his house around. When he finally does let go, he becomes so free, so light, so happy. He allows himself to move on. It's not that he doesn't love his past and remember it, but he is finally willing to move forward and embrace new paths.
As much as I want to resist change from what I know and love, I know that forward is the only direction I can go. I know faith points toward the future, that things will only get better, and that so much lies in store. You have to believe it and act on it, or life becomes lifeless.
So here I go, growing UP and embracing it. What a journey.