Today I gave blood for the first time! It was not too bad, despite the fact that I am a complete wimp. I am grateful for the opportunity to sacrifice a little to help others. It got me thinking about service and sacrifice, about how we can do hard things, and how we really are the only thing keeping ourselves back from doing and becoming more.
I guess what I came on here to say (basically to myself) is that I am sick of thinking of myself. I am tired of worrying about my own needs, my own selfish desires, what I need to do, how others see me. I know that it is vital to improve myself at this point in life so that I can serve better in the future, but I am just tired of the inward focus. But I guess I do that to myself. I try to focus outward, but there is some stuff that is just unavoidable in my imperfect mortal state. So I keep moving forward, trying to improve a little day by day. I can see positive change, but it's still frustrating sometimes.
So the last few weeks I have been thinking about serving a mission-- something I have never truly seriously thought about before. Partially because it's always seemed so far in the future, and partially because, in all honesty, I don't know if I've been willing to put my life on "hold." But the more I think about it, the more I do want to lose myself. But I want to make sure I do it for the right reasons-- out of true charity and gratitude for the Savior and a desire to share this message of hope-- not just because I am tired of the worries of life. (There's no escaping those anyway).
All in all, I don't know yet. I do know that I want to become more full of faith, more selfless, more truly charitable. So if a mission does that best for me at this time in life, then awesome. I want to be honestly open to whatever the path of greatest potential is, and I know it will all turn out. I just get impatient wanting to plan things out sometimes, that's all. So I am learning to prepare for whatever comes rather than plan on specific events. That's where faith comes in and that's where miracles happen.